


My First Friend

by Littlecamo8



Series: Our Love Is Forever (Hiccup x Reader) [26]
Category: How to Train Your Dragon (Movies)
Genre: Berk (How to Train Your Dragon), Cutting, Dragons, F/M, Self-Harm, Vikings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-19
Updated: 2019-01-19
Packaged: 2019-10-12 11:27:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17466704
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Littlecamo8/pseuds/Littlecamo8
Summary: It's been a tad hard since her mother died and she needs a real friend, like Hiccup. You should see her when we're not here. That precious light in her eyes, it's rarely ever there. . . I can't stand to see her so lonely anymore. Thank you for letting her stay here.





	My First Friend

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING: This has self harm in it! Please do not read if this will affect you negatively.  
> I wrote this before Race To The Edge, so Johann isn't evil (or hasn't come out as evil)  
> KEY:  
> (Y/N) = Your name  
> (N/N)= nickname  
> (E/C)= eye color  
> (D/N) = dragon name

**My First Friend**

**For Hiccelsa_forever__**

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

**You are both six**

******************

Johann and Stoick smiled as they watched you and Hiccup come running into the boat.

"Daddy, guess what?" you squealed, running into Johann's arms.

He catches you with ease. "What is it, baby girl?"

"Hiccup took me to the cove! And we played tag and hide-n-seek and he taught me how to draw and-"

He chuckled. "Sounds like you had fun."

"I did!"

"That's good." He kissed your cheek and set you down.

"Say bye to (Y/ N), Hiccup," Stoick said.

Hiccup smiled a sad smile and hugged you. "Bye, (Y/ N)."

A tear escaped your eye. "Bye, Hiccup. I'll miss you." You pulled out of the hug.

"I'll miss you too. See you next time."

"Next time," you repeated.

Everyone left the boat but many stayed at the docks to see you and trader Johann (your dad) off. 

"Bye!" You yelled, waving goodbye to your first real friend.

"Bye!" Hiccup waved back. "See you next time!"

"Next time!"

You stayed and watched as Berk grew smaller and smaller until it eventually disappeared altogether.

Johann patted your shoulder. "Come on, (Y/ N). Time for dinner."

"Alright, daddy."

********* A year later *********

You waited eagerly above deck, seeking out your best/ only friend. You spotted him with ease and yelled, "HICCUP!"

"(Y/ N)!" he yelled back, waving viciously.

As soon as you could, you ran to him. He pulled you into a hug and y'all laughed. "I've missed you so much!"

"Me too, (Y/ N). Me too."

Little did you know, both of your dad's were watching y'all.

Hiccup took you on adventures through the forests of Berk, swimming in a pond, and y'all even had a sleepover at his house.

"Time for bed, children," Stoick said after dinner.

"Do we have to?" Hiccup whined.

"Yes, son. You and (Y/ N) have to go to bed."

"Alright, dad. Come on, (N/ N)."

"Goodnight, daddy," you kissed your father on the cheek.

"Goodnight, dear. Get some sleep. Stoick and I have a surprise for you children tomorrow."

"What is it?" you asked, (E/C) eyes filled with delight.

"Now, now, it wouldn't be much of a surprise if we told you," Johann chuckled, sending you off to bed.

You followed Hiccup to his room and split the bed in half. You talked and shared stories before getting some sleep, though.

**********

"She'll be safe here, Johann," Stoick said.

Johann sighed. "I know, and I want her to be happy, but I'll miss her."

Stoick patted his friend's shoulder. It must be hard for him to let his daughter go. He couldn't imagine his life without his son.

"You can always come back and visit (Y/ N) anytime you like. You're always welcomed here," Stoick reassured.

"Thanks for taking my daughter in," Johann thanked. "It's been a tad hard since her mother died and she needs a real friend, like Hiccup. You should see her when we're not here. That precious light in her eyes, it's rarely ever there, but her eyes always sparkle when she's here. She loves it here. I can't stand to see her so lonely anymore. Thank you for letting her stay here."

"No problem, my friend. Come now, I'll show you to your room. We all have a big day tomorrow."

Johann stood up. "That we do. But can we check on the kids first?"

Stoick smiled and nodded before leading Johann to Hiccup's room. He opened the door and they walked to the bed to find an adorable sight.

You and Hiccup were smiling in your sleep. Your hands together in between y'all as you slept and your faces only inches apart. You both looked peaceful and happy.

Johann knew he was doing the right thing. You would be alive and happy here.

**********************

You and Hiccup woke up at dawn. You went for a morning walk around the village, seeing as both of your father's were still sleeping. Actually, it was so early, almost everyone was sleeping. Rarely did you see someone on your walk.

You and Hiccup snuck back in after your walk, but found that your dad's were awake and about to begin breakfast.

"Good morning, daddy. Good morning, Stoick," you greeted.

"Morning, Johann. Dad."

"Morning, kids," Stoick greeted.

"Good morning, baby girl. Good morning, little Hiccup," Johann smiled, picking you up and placing you on his lap. Your laugh was music to his ears.

For the next three days you were able to play with Hiccup. He took you on all sorts of fun and amazing adventures and y'all even went dragon hunting! Of course, you didn't find any, but you still tried and had a bunch of fun with your first/ only/ best friend.

It wasn't until your supposedly last day on Berk did you find out the great news/ surprise.

"I get to stay here?" you asked, excitedly.

"Yes, baby girl," Johann gave you a sad smile. He was happy that you were happy, but he would also miss you.

"This is awesome!" You giggled, jumping up and down.

"I have to go. Goodbye, baby girl," he said, as a tear slipped out of his eye.

"Where are you going?" you asked.

It occurred to him that you didn't realize he was leaving. "I have to continue with our ship. You may not be leaving Berk, but I am. But don't worry, Stoick promised to take good care of you and I'll come back often, alright, baby girl?"

Tears sprang to your eyes but you nodded. "O- Okay, daddy." You wrapped your arms around him. "I love you, daddy. I'll miss you."

He hugged you back, "I love you, too, (Y/ N). And I'll miss you to the end of the world and back."

He handed you to Stoick and knelt down in front of Hiccup. "Now, you take good care of my baby girl for me, alrighty, Hiccup?"

Hiccup nodded, "I will, trader Johann. I promise."

Johann smiled and boarded his ship and took off.

"Bye, daddy!" You called.

"Bye, (Y/ N)!" he called back, waving.

You watched his ship sail into the horizon until you could no longer see it. Most of the villagers had already left, many welcoming you to the village as they walked past you. The only ones with you now we're Stoick and Hiccup.

"Come on, kids. Time to go back home," Stoick said, putting a gentle hand on your shoulder. "You alright, (Y/ N)?" he asked, softly.

You nodded. "I'm fine. Let's go back home."

***************************

**You are both 18 now**

***************************

As you sat next to your window you saw Hiccup land in front of the house on Toothless. You still lived with Stoick and Hiccup, but it sometimes seemed like you didn't.

(D/N) came over and nudged your hand. She was the only one who seemed to see you. You felt like you were invisible to everyone else.

You remember how you and Hiccup were noticed by everyone, may not have been in a positive format but you were still noticed. Even after you and Hiccup trained two night furies and defeated the red death, Hiccup was still noticed, but people suddenly liked him. Suddenly he had many friends, it was no longer just (Y/ N) and Hiccup. Now it was Hiccup and everyone else and (Y/ N) and (D/N). You missed your best friend, but he was happy, so who were you to ruin that for him?

You sighed and walked away as Astrid showed up. They started dating soon after the red death incident, but broke up a few months ago for reasons you never paid attention to. You just assumed it never worked out. But you still found them spending a lot of time together. Strange. Though Astrid was the best suitable friend in Hiccup's strange group of friends- the rest were... well, the rest. The twins and Snoutlout were dumber than dirt and Fishlegs was... Fishlegs. No better way to explain it- you still found it odd how Hiccup and Astrid spent so much time together.

You pulled open a drawer and picked up your knife. Next to it was a cloth stained with blood. A small smile crept upon your lips as you pulled up your sleeve and made many cuts on your already scarred skin.

"Hey, (N/N)?" you heard Hiccup call. "You in there?"

You quickly wiped the blood from your upper arm and put the knife away.

You opened the door with a smile. "Yes, Hiccup? What is it?"

"Well, Astrid and I were wondering if you wanted to go to the cove with us-"

"No," you cut him off, slamming the door in his face.

You put your back to it and slid down. What were you doing? He was finally reaching out to you and here you were, pushing him away. Why? Why? Why?!

"Why, (N/N)? Don't you wanna come? You love the cove! We use to go there every day-"

You stood and threw the door open. "Exactly! 'We use to', meaning not anymore! We use to be best friends, you were my first friend ever, but then you left me to befriend the others! You abandoned me and left no explanation. I became invisible while you became popular! It's been three years since you left me, well over a year since you last talked to me. You know  _nothing_ about me anymore, Hiccup. Goodbye." You shut the door once more, leaving him astounded and to his thoughts.

Turned out, you were right (A/N: But when aren't you?). Hiccup realized he had barely paid any attention to you since the battle with the red death. Sure, you help with Dagur or Alvin, but other than that you stayed to yourself. He wasn't sure if he really did push you away, if the gang pushed you away, or you just weren't very willing to make more friends, but he planned to become your best friend again.

Since he was still in front of your door, even after seven minutes, he knocked. "I'm sorry, (Y/ N). You're right. I've been a horrible friend. The worst. I promised to never hurt you, to never leave you, and I did just that. I hope someday you can forgive me. Please, let me back in your life. Let me be your best friend again. Come to the cove with Astrid and I. Be mad at me, but don't take it out on Astrid. She wants to know you as well as I do- well, did- and I want to know you as well as I use to as well. Please, (Y/ N)!"

All your anger had just vanished, you were pretty sure it was because you just cut though, that always manage to make you calm down and relax. Hiccup's words had some effects too though.

You put your knife away before calling out, "Fine."

Though you couldn't see it, Hiccup's eyes brightened up. "Great! Tomorrow around noon. Astrid will meet us here then we can all fly to the cove together. We'll be having a picnic there. Well, goodnight." You heard his metal leg as he walked away.

"Goodnight, Hiccup," you whispered.

**************************

**A few months later.**

**************************

Astrid became your third friend ever soon after that day at the cove. While you opened up some, it was clear to anyone that you kept your guard up, ready to be forgotten again.

Hiccup also got to know you and while there were many changes, you were still childish, loved to goof around, and play games. You even still had the childish curiosity about things you didn't know.

The day you went to the cove, Hiccup knew he loved you, but didn't want to push you into something too quickly and have you run off. He could be patient and wait for you to get use to people, for it wasn't very hard to figure out you had no clue how to act around others.

He loved watching you. He loved the curiosity and happiness in your eyes, he loved the smile that you wore most of the time, he loved your gentle and soft touch whenever you hid behind him or held his hand, and he loved watching you as you quickly grasped what having multiple friends was like. So, basically, he loved you. A lot.

And he was getting rather impatient. He wanted you to be his. He wanted to call you his. He wanted to feel your lips against his.

But, he knew you were hiding something. Big. He wanted you to trust him and tell him, but knew that wasn't going to happen. He would have to find out himself. Which lead him to the position he was in now, holding your knife and bloodied cloth with the drawer you hid them in open, feeling what he could only call sadness and hurt as he knew what you've been hiding.

He wasn't sad or mad at you: no, he could never be. He was upset with himself for not noticing sooner. He was mad at himself for abandoning you in the first place. How could he not have noticed?

He knew he only had a few minutes before you came back home from your girl's day out with Astrid, but he couldn't move. The fact that you cut would explain the habit of you pulling your sleeves down constantly, and how you would sometimes flinch or whimper in pain at the slightest touch.

When he heard the front door open and close he knew time was up. He couldn't leave the knife and just let you harm yourself, but if he took it you would know he went through you stuff. What should he do? What should he do?

"Hiccup, I'm home!" you called, cheerfully.

You were right, he didn't know you as well as he thought he did. He couldn't imagine, even with the proof in his hands, that you could ever harm yourself on purpose.

"Hiccup?" your voice called out. "Hiccup, where are you?"

He quickly put the knife back and slipped out of your room as you were looking in his room for him.

"Hey, (Y/ N)," he said, forcing a smile.

You jumped, slightly, and turned around with that carefree smile of yours. We're you really happy? wondered Hiccup. Or was it just an act? When was the last time you cut? Was it today? Or yesterday? Or have you stopped since the day at the cove and you really were finally happy?

"Hey, Hic. Where were you?"

"Uh, here. I've been here- at home- all day," he said, dancing around the full truth without lying. He had promised you a long time ago that he would never lie to you.

You laughed, "Okay. Well, I'm going to my room. See you later, Hic."

Your room? Where your knife was? Hiccup didn't think so.

"Wait!"

You paused at your doorway. "Yes? What is it?"

"Uh, let's go for a flight around Berk," he offered.

"Nah. No thanks. (D/N) pretty tired after today. Astrid and I had race after race."

"We can go on Toothless together," he said quickly.

"I don't want to bother you," you waved off.

"I insist. I wanna spend some time with my best friend. Please, (N/N)."

You giggled and closed your door. "Sure, why not. I'm sure Toothless would love the flight."

"Yeah, he will."

****************

It's been a week since Hiccup found out your secret. He rarely ever left your side and made sure someone was with you every second of the day. Even late at night you caught him watching you pretend to sleep. Of course, he didn't know you were pretending.

You haven't cut in two weeks. That's the longest in over a year. You felt the need to cut at the smallest things now and you were about to lose your mind.

So, when Hiccup had to suddenly take off and talk to Stoick, you had about ten to twenty minutes to yourself. Perfect time to make a few quick tiny cuts.

You laid out the new shirt you might need, from the blood. And got out your knife and rag.

You pulled up the sleeve to your shirt and pressed the knife against your soft skin. You ended up doing many cuts and went to your stomach to do more.

You didn't pay much attention to anything else, including someone's calls for you. In fact, you didn't even hear them, nor did you hear them enter your room.

You were in the middle of your fifth cut on your stomach when a hand wrapped itself around your wrist and the knife was pulled away from your skin, then out of your grasp.

"(Y/ N)!" Hiccup shouted, tears in his eyes as he took the knife from you.

"H- Hiccup, i- it's not what it looks like!" You said, without thinking. You reached for the knife.

He pulled his hand back to keep the knife from you. "Really? Because it looks like you were cutting yourself!"

"Okay, it's exactly what it looks like but-"

"Why? Why, (Y/ N)?" He sobbed, hot tears falling down his cheeks. "I was only gone for fifteen minutes! Why were you cutting? I thought you were happy!"

"I am, I really really am happy. It's just been two weeks since I last did it and I felt like I needed to and I couldn't help myself when I was finally alone."

"This is why I wouldn't leave you alone! I didn't want you hurting yourself!" he shouted.

"I- wait! What? You knew?" you asked, bewildered and a bit scared.

He blinked, realizing his mistake. Time for the truth to come out. "Well, uh, last week when you were with Astrid, I knew you were hiding something and, um, I wanted to know what was so big you couldn't tell me, so I kinda-"

"Went through my stuff?" you finished, clenching your teeth together. You didn't know whether to be upset that he went through your stuff without your permission or to be happy that he cared for you and knew you well enough to know something was up. "Wait, if you knew then why didn't you take my knife or confront me about it."

He shuffled his feet around. "I didn't want you to think I didn't trust you."

When he put it that way, you decided to be mad that he didn't trust you. He was right not to, but it still hurt.

His expression sudden went from nervous to worried and he gently grabbed your arm and started leading you somewhere. "Come. We're going to see Gothi."

You pulled back. "No, we're not!" you denied, and ran back to your room.

Suddenly you were lifted off your feet by Hiccup. "I didn't ask if you wanted to."

"I know. You said that we're going, and I said we're not!" You struggled out of his grip, but he was now stronger than you. He was no longer the weakling you fell in love with years ago.

"Stop, please, (Y/ N)." He begged when you finally escaped his grasp.

"How's this: I let you tend to my wounds, but let's not see Gothi, deal?"

He sighed, "You're not gonna take it any other way, will you?" You shook your head no. "Fine," he sighed. "But you also have to promise to stop."

"No deal."

"(Y/ N), hurting yourself is not the answer. There has to be another way-"

"I've tried, Hiccup. Cutting is the only way."

"IT CAN'T BE!"

"WELL, IT IS!"

He sighed, yelling was getting nowhere fast. He took a deep breath and used his brain to find possible solutions. "How about you use a pencil or something like that to draw where you want to make the cuts?"

"Nope."

"Have you even tried that?"

"No."

"Then why are you opposing it?"

"Because I want to."

"Ugh!" He took another breath. He was definitely going to keep all sharp objects away from you for a long while. "How about, um, you talk to someone whenever you feel like, uh, cutting?" The word tasted bad in his mouth. He hated that word now.

"Who would I talk to?"

"Whoever you want. Me, Astrid, Gobber, (D/N), Toothless, Ruff, Fishlegs, whoever you want."

You pretended to think about it. "Um, no."

"Tell me what I have to do to get you to stop then! Just, please, (Y/ N), I can't stand the thought of you hurting yourself!" he begged.

You avoided his gaze, confidence suddenly lost. "I don't think I'd be able to stop."

He walked towards you and brought you into a hug. He was so tall, that your head laid on his chest. When you moved your head to the side, you could hear his strong heartbeat. "Please, (Y/ N)," he begged, his voice laced with tears. "Please stop hurting yourself. I can't stand the thought. Just please." He buried his face in your hair.

"F- Fine. I- I'll stop," you gave in.

"Thank you," Hiccup sighed in relief, tightening his grip on you.

Hiccup tended to your wounds gently but quickly. He couldn't stand to see all the scars that danced upon your skin. When he was done he had treated your arms, legs, and stomach. He pulled your left sleeve down, finally done, and hung his head to hide his tears.

"I'm sorry, Hiccup," you apologized.

"Just don't ever hurt yourself again, okay?" He didn't wait for a response but he look at you with green eyes full of tears and cupped your cheeks with his hands. He started to slowly lean in and watched as you closed your eyes. He took it as you were okay with him kissing you so he pushed his lips against yours.

You wrapped your arms around his neck and laced your fingers through his hair. Hiccup moved his hands to your waist and gently bit your bottom lip. You gasp and he slipped his tongue in. Your fingers pulled at his hair as your tongues swirled around each other and fought for dominance, with Hiccup winning. He pushed you back so you were laying down on your bed.

After a few minutes he pulled back slightly, with a smile on his face.

"I love you, (Y/ N)."

"I love you, too, Hiccup."

"Will you be my girlfriend?"

"Yes, I will."

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**


End file.
